Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So many bounce houses so little time
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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