i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
