I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
