it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
