i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize