I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
