im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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