I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
