i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
