Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
