now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Houston, we have a squirter
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
