you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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