I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
