dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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