i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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