Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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