420 ftw
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You are the jesus of drinking
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
