I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did i walk over a car last night?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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