I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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