First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
