do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
