somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize