She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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