my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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