Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
