i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
