if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
