I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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