And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
