so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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