just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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