Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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