We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the day after is always just damage control
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
