I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize