you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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