I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
