ugly people sure do ruin things
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
