Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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