dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
