Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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