yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
