...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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