Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
