It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
