So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
