I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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