Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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