I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
