READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
