drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
