I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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