there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
