oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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