He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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