I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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