Have you finally orgasmed yet?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize