Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
