Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
