i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I got chris browned last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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