So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize