Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
