Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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