my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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