oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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