We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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