okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
