whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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