One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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