I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
