so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she looked like the before picture.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
