My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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