recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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